People say that you should pray because they might still listen to your prayers. But the thing is, no matter how hard you pray, you still feel sad and it will last till uncertain time.
What strikes me hard is just that I feel like I want to do something, like to be close to the person before they leave, because it’s really the last thing that I can do. Not that I want them to come back alive. I just want to be there or probably ten meters away from them, and let them know that they are being accompanied, that they are being loved, that they have me, that I am there. I wasn’t there when my dads’, and now it was when my only grandpas’. I couldn’t even know what and how it happened at the moment because I wasn’t there. It strikes me hard, really.
I was there when my grandpa was in his critical condition which he went through well. I took picture with him as if it would be my last piece with him, but in fact I got another chance on the last Chinese New Year he had this year.
The last thing I can think of being apart this way is just not to let this happen again. Or just to accept that, when it comes to leaving, there is no notice applicable. It just happens, without any plan, without any wish, without any preparation. We prepared the list for the all his children, grandchildren, grand grandchildren’s names, awared that he might leave soon, but he survived even for more than next three months.
When it comes to death, it just happens. And let’s deal with it.
You have been and will always be our best memory.