17 October 2019, close to midnight.

I had a close-to-perfect-birthday last year. Birthday cake, song, claps from over 20 persons in one nice big office when boss was not around, hugs from the loved one and loved ones, wrapped up in a quite success surprise after a long working day.

And of course, the candle blow moment.

For an undescribable reason, I love blowing the birthday cake’s candle. (There was one year where I blew 5 set of candles because I told my friends that I want to blow a candle on my birthday, and each group came to surprise me with what I mentioned. *sweet).

Happy tears were totally there. Last year.

…

This year,

The scene is totally different. All loved ones I had last year have been physically apart. Some are perhaps emotionally parting.

Do I feel sad?

Hail yeah.

I was this anxious tonight, wondering if I will be that happy and graceful on my birthday, as how I had on my previous years. I drove along the street for 20 minutes back and forth, listening to a song that embraced my sadness, hoping it would let the anxiety away. Although I wasn’t sure Banda Neira could make me less sad and mellow.

…

Then, the thought of how my birthday always treats me right, tickled me.

For many people, birthday is nothing. I know friend who doesn’t want to celebrate it. One even questions, “why should we celebrate the birthday?”.

None is wrong. In fact, the birth-day we have every year is just like another 364 days. No additional hours, seconds, or fresh air, specially granted from the universe just because we’re having our birthday.

But, hey!

I still love my birthday.

Among all other days where I stay vaguely positive about all happy and not happy things evolve around me, my birthday always turns out to be the one and only day where I can effortlessly feel happy and be reminded of “how lucky I am“.

How lucky I am to be surrounded by these persons, living this place, eating this food, owning this body, and having this life.

I think it’s all personal messages, wishes, from close friends, colleagues, family, and even a friend you barely meet but just in Facebook, that become a gently reminder that you are loved.

So I went back home. Jotted the feeling down to this, and simply wish that birthday keeps working on its magic this year. Tomorrow.

….

18 October 2019, 2.15 pm.

After sending out a ‘hard code’ to one of my colleagues that I wished nothing but to blow a candle on my birthday, she and other friends secretly prepped a small celebration in my office.

Yes, there were the birthday cake, birthday song, and hugs, from another new loveable persons this year. And again, just like last year, all were wrapped in a surprise. Only this time, I really didn’t expect it to happen given I still feel like I’m a new comer to this new place.

:’).

Another birthday magic came from bunch of wishes from any kind of social media platforms flew through my phone, that cheer me up. Not to mention, the midnight surprise – when I was about to take a shower after a long happy day – when my lil kiddos and sister in law, got into my room, singing me another happy birthday song, in their cute pajamas.

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Soooo,

To end this birthday festive, let this post be a reminder for me and perhaps you, that the universe always finds its way to give you a pleasant surprise although you’re not expecting one.

As long as you loosen yourself a bit for feeling sorry for yourself, the “U” will come to you.

Happy birthday John Mayer, me, all October ex-babies, and babies! Hopefully the past 365 days brought us closer to what we’ve been dreaming of.

19 October 2019. 5.10 pm.

It feels great to feel a birthday again! I love you all.