Apa Kabar? (3)
The title means “how are you?”, in case you don’t speak Indonesian.
I just finished my one hour praying. Following our leader’s (religious community) suggestion to send the beyond-human–support to this Covid-19 pandemic, I’ve been doing this one-hour-prayer pretty regularly for the past three weeks. Despite the attempt to be more devoted believer, this feels like the last favor I can do to the world who’s fighting hard against this invisible enemy.
I grabbed my phone and checked the last message I had with my friend on my Whatsapp, discussing the error on her Netflix account.
“Mba Vin, Glenn Fredly passed away”, she texted.
I said, “what?”.
Knowing that she’s a smart girl who doesn’t joke about this kind of stuffs, I remembered how my heart pumped a bit faster reading her text. What she said would be true. That was totally not a feeling I expected after an hour of contemplation I had with my God.
I checked my Twitter. Tweets after tweets were flowing in my timeline. People were mourning over the shocking news. The crying emoticons were all over my phone.
Glenn Fredly was one of the best Indonesian musicians. His voice was remarkable. I’ve been listening to his songs since I was in high school. His songs were every contestant’s songs in my high school singing competition. His love songs were everyone’s love songs and break up songs. He was one of the very few artists whose songs I’ve been listening to for decades, that I still love to today.
Few minutes after starting at my phone, I shed a tears.
I started to cry seeing every videos professionally made or simply recorded from the phone at his music gigs, posted. My tears broke seeing how all videos consistanly playing this one man sings, smiles, and spreads a very positive energy to his audiences, or to every person he talked to. It cut deeper to realize there would be no new video about him after today. In the midst of trying to ease the emotion, I even joined my first meditation session held in one IG account my friend told me, knowing we both were hit hard by this news.
That night, I slept over his songs.
This morning, I woke up to his voice. Still.
Just like everyone, I spent today checking my Twitter. The situation hasn’t changed much since the night before. People were still mourning over Glenn’s passing. I spent my lunch time checking the news about his funeral ceremony. Glenn’s family sent out a statement that they would held a private ceremony. Due to the Covid-19, the family also expected everyone to just send their prayer and being aware not to flock around the ceremony area.
Yet, the world suddenly felt so close because I ended up being ‘inside’ the church where Glenn’s ceremonial was held. His management’s Instagram account was doing a live video during the ceremony. As expected, I cried more seeing this.
I had a shorter working hours today. But, today felt longer than previous days. I hardly smile today. I felt so sad remembering how I had no more chance to watch his live show. I regret how I only managed to watch his show once. The fact that I had zero chance to see him alive anymore was devastating. To embrace my sadness, I played the song again on my way back home.
Tonight, I did the one hour praying again.
During this session, my mind started to question my day and what I went through. How could I be so sad? All I did was just listening to his songs for years. I never met in person. I never followed his career journey. I just found out that he was very active in social causes especially against the human rights issue in the Western part of Indonesia, from the news I read today. I also just knew how, apart from his music career, Glenn really loved this country and had this huge concerns about the diversity and unity in Indonesia.
Am I acting too much over this Glenn’s passing?
Last time I was sad over artist’s life when reading Chris Martin’s divorce to Gwyneth. I know it feels stupid, but it’s true. Only this time, the sadness was quadruple to the last one. And, I didn’t know the answer to my own feeling yet.
While praying, my mind went back to the night when my dad passed away.
I went to the funeral home directly from the airport. My dad was already lying in a case, in a very formal blazer, a very unlikely style of him. His face was pale. His lips made a small smile. His hand was cold. I held his hand and tried to talk to him like the scene I saw on the movie, buy I couldn’t say a word. All my brothers, in laws, nieces and nephews, were flying home. That night, we slept altogether in one bedroom. I silently cried and held my tears, in bed.
The saddest day was the cremation ceremony. Seeing how my dad was entering his very new life through this moment was very very painful. Imagining the other way, buried, was equally painful. All I could think was, “My dad would stay alone in this place today and days after. What will he do when he feels lonely?”. I was very crushed.
The thought of how Glenn would be by himself tonight brought me back to that cremation day. I started to find the reason why I cried. This event reminded me of my dad.
Then I remembered how one tweet showed a convoy of people who sang a song (sounds like a local Maluku’s song), in front of the church, while Glenn’s case was carried to the car. For a reason I couldn’t explain, my chest felt lighter.
Following that, I pictured how everyone kept saying lovely things about their memories with Glenn Fredly. Named it fans, artists, musicians, TV presenters, to politicians, all were saying great things about Glenn Fredly.
This moment, I got an answer for why I felt lightened seeing the convoy. It made me believe all this loves and prayers would lighten the place where Glenn is staying tonight and days after. Just like the relief I felt 6 years ago, believing my dad was stepping his new life in peace because of the loves and prayers everyone sent to him.
No one knows how afterlife is.
So, we make no mistake to believe that the afterlife will be a happier place than our earth. Especially, when the people we love is leaving the world after many good deeds they’ve done in life. We could also believe, with that amount of prayers and loves we sent, he/she will definitely rest well, the universe is welcoming them in joy with another grateful ceremony, and they will live an ultimate happiness in their new life.
Glenn Fredly’s life, as we remember, is all about love; to people, to the community, to this country. Love is the thing Glenn has been telling us from his songs, actions, and movements he’d made.
We might not be able to perform even a tiny piece of what Glenn did. I could not. But, we all do have the “love” within us. Let’s start using it for a small good cause.
And while doing this, don’t forget to play your Glenn Fredly’s essential playlist. I just discovered this one tonight. I hope this should make you smile a bit.
Rest in love, Glenn Fredly.